A moment in time at Onekawa pools
Weeeee!!! As I was slipping down the slide my arms were waving in the air. It was really slippery and the bottom of the slide was scratching my bum while I was going down the slide.In one of the tunnels I couldn’t even breath beacuse it was hot in there and it went really fast. The other tunnel was really slow. Me and Janice were going down the fast slide Janice fell over me and was in front so I grabbed her feet to make me go faster.
Mrs lowe was screaming at us “it's lunch time”. Everybody came running out to get there lunch “yum sausages” said Janice.
Reflection about my writing
- I need more paragraphs
- Check my spelling
I enjoyed writing about the Awesome time at Onekawa pools.
WOW Caitlyn here are your stars and wish's
ReplyDeleteMetal : You did very well with your detail
Metal : I think that you have put a lot of punctuation
Mission : You have to work on your goal ( Hook the reader in at the beginning )
Great Job keep up the great work